What Needs To Be Said
by jomarch05
Summary: What Needs To Be Said is Often Not. All one-shot post episodes. First Story is post Chuck vs The Colonel. New Story is post Chuck vs The Fake Name. My first s3 post ep. Chuck and Sarah try and work through Sam and Shaw and everything in between.
1. Chapter 1

Post Chuck vs The Colonel. Can be seen as a companion piece to "The Words Unspoken Shows The Differences Between Us". But it can be read on a stand alone basis so you don't have to read that story. I'm still working on the Interlude Chapter of "The End Is Only The Beginning" but got sidetracked by this. Hope you enjoy reading.

**What Needs to Be Said**

It was inevitable that they'd end up at her hotel room after the rehearsal dinner. Chuck considered it a great feat of restraint that they at least made it inside the door, as all he could remember was the tangle of limbs and crashing into each other along the corridor. Naturally, it was more Sarah's doing as she had whispered in his ear "We have to get inside (she shivered as his teeth lightly scraped the side of her neck). Not sure if Casey bugged the hallway".

He had stood behind her, hands on her hips as she unlocked the door, his forward momentum propelling them both into the room, when it opened. And once again, he spun her around and brought her close, ensuring that their lips met. He had never been smooth but all his moves now seemed choreographed. Like all their past kisses and contact were rehearsals that led up to this point where they both knew all the steps and just needed to take the time to finally move forward in tandem.

He noticed her movements more frantic than his, like she wanted to do everything at once, just in case. With their luck, Chuck figured, they had about ten minutes before Casey would call or Martians would land or something inevitably would interrupt them, But nothing did and although Chuck could not believe that his luck had finally changed, that not only was the intersect out of his head, but the girl of his dreams, the one that he never in a million years thought he could get, was right now doing wonderful things to his neck with her mouth.

Sarah felt insatiable, each time she kissed or touched him, only made her want more. She had been holding herself back for so long and that morning in the cheap motel had felt like such a great strain had been lifted off her. She had finally been free to really show her feelings for Chuck. She wanted him to know so many times but duty always held her back. Despite Chuck guessing at her feelings, she could never really confirm them. It already took all her willpower to try and tamped them down, to not let the love she felt for him shine through. She had done a poor job of it and despite her verbal denials; he knew and loved her back.

They finally made it to the bed, her hands expertly undoing his tie and pulling his shirt over his head. He looked at her and smiled. Her answering smile was all that he needed as he again bent down to capture her lips.

"Agent Walker, prepare to be boarded" (So sue him, he was a nerd after all.)

Sarah could help laughing when he said that and answered back in kind "Welcome aboard, Chuck"

The night was spent with little else being said and although there was still so much that had to be discussed, both Sarah and Chuck knew that they needed that one night just for themselves, no talk of intersect cubes or secret agents, no lies, just two people in love.

Chuck was the first to wake up, the light, coming through from the partially closed curtains, shining in his face. He was on his back, his arm around Sarah who was curled on her side, her face safely nestled by his neck. He could get used to waking up like this. In fact, he wanted to wake up like this everyday until he died. He didn't want to move, enjoying the feel of her skin next to his. But he also was beginning to realize that as perfect as the current tableau was, it would not last. He was back to being Chuck Bartowski, certified computer technician earning twelve bucks an hour.

He looked down at Sarah and wondered who she would become next. He knew that she was still the same person that had spent the past two years saving his life on a semi frequent basis and that she was still the same person who had chosen to go against a direct order to save him and his father and he was definitely sure that the person he had spent the night with was the only one for him. He just wasn't sure if he would ever be enough for her.

"You're thinking too loudly" she murmurs into his side, tickling him with her breath as she exhales.

He smiles at her words, wanting to ask her, really ask her to stay but knowing that it wouldn't be fair. That she was meant to do the big heroic things and that he had no right to hold her back, "I was thinking of pancakes."

"What kind?" She knows him even though he would like to think that she doesn't really. Not because he's an enigma but because he thinks that his thoughts are too mundane for Super Secret Agent Sarah Walker. But she knows what a brave man he is and that he is braver than she could ever hope to be.

"Um, Chocolate Chip?" he smiles widely. He thinks this is all he deserves, one night, a handful of stolen kisses and the memory of her forever burned into his skin.

"A lot of chocolate chips?" She stares into his eyes, still crinkled from the smile. She doesn't deserve him. Despite being immersed in the spy life for the past two years, he's still an innocent, a babe amongst wolves. She's beyond tainted, her innocence long forfeited for the greater good.

He nods, unsure of what to say next. He traces the side of her face with his finger, stopping at a tiny scar underneath her ear. The number of things he knows about her doesn't even hit double digits but his heart doesn't care.

"It's the result of a fish hook" she whispers, noticing his eyes widen at her admission. She wants him to ask her to stay, knowing that she's still too cowardly to make that leap on her own.

"Looks like it hurt" his index finger running over the faint scar tissue. He knows he needs her to live, not as a protector but as a partner to share a life together. The thought of her saying no, stills any question on his lips.

She shrugs, now her turn to stay silent. She wants to talk to him, really talk, not in half-truths and metaphors but she's never had the experience and does not know where to start. She blinks rapidly, not wanting to cry for a moment that never was.

He sees the unshed tears in her eyes and it takes his breath away, he wants to hold her and never let go but knows that it has to be her choice.

He kisses her forehead and slowly extricates himself. "I have to meet Casey. We're going to quit the Buy More today"

"Good" she smiles. "It'll be a good start". He looks at her, radiant in the morning light and knows he'll ask her soon, but just not right now.

"Beckman's calling for a meeting later" She sees him like it's the first time and prays it won't be the last. She doesn't know what she will do when the order comes to report back. She needs to tell him she wants to stay but can't find the words, not yet.

The End

So I'm going to try something a bit different now, (switches on Jedi Mind Trick App), *You feel compelled to review* (Please)


	2. Chapter 2

Post Chuck vs the Santa Claus. So someone used a "Jedi Mind Trick App" and I just felt compelled to write this!!

It's a bit AU but this is my take on what happened pre Chuck vs the Third Dimension. It's Sarah and Chuck talking but not really communicating (again!). They're just getting closer to the understanding they finally reached in the last 5 minutes of Chuck vs The Third Dimension. I think I will try and do a few post ep shorter stories and keep posting them here, if you think it's worth the read.

**What Needs To Be Said Redux**

"Chuck…Chuck" She repeats his name more urgently, hoping he'll answer. She can feel the blood between her fingers, hot and slick. Intellectually, she knows, it's a minor wound, just a graze really, and the reason Chuck's not responding is because he's passed out at the sight of his own blood. The problem is that she's not feeling real intellectual right now as she deftly ties a tourniquet round his left bicep and drags him behind the crates. She should have listened to her instincts and made him sit out this mission. He had been acting weird all week, ever since the incident at the Buy More, like he's perpetually distracted, lost in his own head. She would catch him looking at her sometimes, not the shy, hopeful looks she's used to but more like he has a question only she can answer but he won't articulate it and he accepts she's not a mind reader. Sarah knows she should not be thinking about this now, Casey's already taken down the first fulcrum operative and it's on her to get the one who had the audacity to shoot Chuck. She prepares to go out in the line of fire, only to have his hand suddenly grab on to hers, holding her back.

"Sarah, I've,,,I've been… shot" He knows he's just stated the obvious. He can see her torn t-shirt and knows that part of it is wrapped around his arm. But he's afraid, not of the pain or getting shot again but of the look he sees in her eyes. He's used to seeing them sparkle with laughter and sometimes dim with tears. This look is one of cold calculated anger, he's seen it before. He knows its not directed at him just as much as he knows she's going to kill his shooter and he can't let her do that (not again). He does not want her burdened with more blood on her hands because of him. He's always known that she's willing to die for him but he can't accept her willing to kill for him. He remembers her look as she shot Mauser. "Casey said if anything happens, we should get back to Castle and regroup". He wants her to come with him, to choose him over her sense of righteous violent duty. He knows why she thinks she has to do this, that it's the only way he'll ever be safe. He realizes then, his complicity in her decision, how his need to stay bunker free has resulted in this and it stuns him into silence.

"It's safer if you stay here" She looks at him, a mixture of fear and shock on his face and she wants to kiss him but instead just allows herself to touch his forearm fleetingly. She knows what he's asking of her and it breaks her heart not to grant it. But Sarah Walker has had years of training from her father and then the CIA to always judge in shades and not in absolutes. She knows killing this fulcrum agent is more right than wrong but she also understands Chuck and that he only sees in absolutes. It's the one divide between that she knows is insurmountable. "I'll be right back", she states, knowing she's made a promise to him to keep him safe and this is what it entails. She won't taint him by sharing this part of herself and she knows that it is these decisions that keeps them apart. She allows herself to touch him one more time and then runs across the tarmac, gun by her side.

When he sees Casey and Sarah emerge twenty minutes later, he knows that it's done. He sees the way her shoulder slump, not in defeat but burdened like Atlas. He wants to touch her but she holds herself apart and it's Casey who helps him into the Suburban. She sits shotgun while he lies in the back. He's surprised when Casey pulls up to her hotel and she exits only to open the back door and slowly helps him out.

"You can't go back to Ellie's looking like that" she explains and he nods. She makes him put on John's jacket to hide the blood and buttons her own and they slowly make their up to her room.

He leans against the wall as she unlocks her door, the pain in his arm a shadow as compared to the pain he thinks she's enduring. She ushers him in and makes him sit on the bed as she cleans and re-bandages his wound, her touch more clinical than caring and he knows she's trying to distance herself, to shield him from what she thinks she is. Outwardly, she still looks composed and so together but it's the way she moves that gives it away. He's used to her fluid movements, her easy smile, not the firm set of her mouth and tenseness in her limbs like she's trying so hard to hold everything in.

"It's stopped bleeding" He wants to stop stating the obvious but to do so would mean he would have to confront Sarah and he does not want to break the fragile composure she's trying to maintain. He knows she's physically stronger than he is but emotionally, she's spun like glass and he wonders how many more hits she can take for him, before she shatters.

"You should get some rest." She had considered asking Casey to take him tonight, knowing that it would take every ounce of her remaining strength to keep her equilibrium. But he had been shot on her watch and she would never admit it but his presence still affords her comfort as much as it continues to remind her of what cannot be. Before he can answer, she makes a beeline to her bathroom and hopes he'll be asleep when she returns.

The lights are off when she emerges and she can see his still form lying on the left side of the bed. She slowly slides in and turns away from him, only to have him speak, "I don't bite, you know." She smiles for the first time tonight and it feels foreign. She wants so much to reach out to him, to embrace him and explain but she has no words. She can't tell him what its like to kill a man and definitely cannot share the reasons as facts, expecting him to understand. It's the fact that he cannot comprehend taking a life that makes him Chuck. So she settles for taking his hand in hers.

Chuck feels the pressure from her hand and it does little to ease the pressure in his heart. "Thank you for tonight." He thinks he should thank her for keeping him safe, for taking a life in order for him to maintain his, but it still scares him so much to acknowledge that. He knows he has to tell her that although he will never be able to take a life, he does understand what she's done to allow him that luxury. That it's due to her sacrifice that enables him to remain guiltless. He wants to tell her he saw her when she shot Mauser, saw the look in her eyes and has finally begun to understand the lies she had spun for his benefit. And, he wants to tell her that he may be naïve but he's not stupid, that he knows what she has had to do and he loves her too much to not accept who she is, that she's the only one who makes him whole. The problem is Chuck's just not sure she'll listen right now, not when she's closed herself off, her hand in his, the only link she'll allow.

"It's my job" she does not elaborate because she can't bear to lie to him anymore than she has to. It's her job to die to protect him but it is her choice to kill as well. She has never taken that lightly, has endured the toll it has taken on her for the benefit of the greater good. But she knows its different with Chuck, that she would sacrifice her humanity for his freedom and accept the irony that he will not accept her for that very decision. She would give him everything if she could but knows she is not whole (hasn't been for a long time) and that he deserves so much more. Eventually (not tonight), she'll have to finally decide to leave or stay. Tonight though, she's just too selfish to fully push him away and grasped his hand more firmly in hers as she drifts off to sleep.

The End

So, come on, don't be shy, what did you think???


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Apparently I tend to only want to write scenes in Sarah's hotel room and not anywhere else for this series! This one takes us back to Season 1, post Chuck vs the Tango, so really early on in their budding relationship. I think I have tried to tone down the angst and inject a bit of fluff, tell me if I succeeded.

So I have a small weakness for John Hughes _oeuvre_ of '80s _teen_ flicks. The Soundtrack for Pretty in Pink is better and the fun factor is higher in Ferris Bueller, the ensemble cast and story is stronger in The Breakfast Club but Some Kind of Wonderful always was underrated overall, so here's my take on a post Season 1 x03 story with a little help from Some Kind of Wonderful.

I do not own Chuck or Some Kind Of Wonderful but they just seem to go together in my head.

PS If anyone is willing to write a Weird Science/Jeffster story, I would read it :)

**What Needs to Be Said Retro **

**Chuck vs Some Kind of Wonderful**

Chuck's freaking out and he knows Sarah's not going to try and calm him down as she's currently laid up in bed with a possible concussion and a scowl on her face. The mission was suppose to be easier than the previous two. No helicopter flying or tango dancing, just posing as a married couple. The rings currently adorning their fingers the only spy accessory needed. How it devolved into an all out fight was beyond him.

It really wasn't his fault in the sense that he didn't mean to hit her with the bat. In his defense, the Ukrainian enforcer was about to shoot her and he just reacted and wildly swung the bat. He wasn't expecting the force of the collision with the guy's hand and therefore was also not expecting the follow through of the swing, which caught Sarah, in a glancing blow, just at her temple.

It's actually developing into a rather nice shade of purple although he knows Sarah's really not going to appreciate the color or the fact that he still thinks she looks beautiful regardless.

It's been almost three weeks since she's walked into his life or more aptly, taken over every available spare thought in his mind. To be fair, he's also spent an inordinately huge amount of time equally cursing Bryce Larkin and the US government for the intrusion into his life but when he's not doing that, he's thinking about her or at least what he thinks he knows about her. All in all, the meager information does not give him any context as to who Sarah Walker really is except that she's killed in name of country and probably saved lives because of it. Right now though, he'd at least wished that he knew if she liked dark chocolate or light or if she preferred comedies or dramas or sci fi movies.

Casey had left specific instructions as to the necessity to ensure she was not too hurt and needed medical attention. He had then conveniently left to get debriefed or give a debrief to their supervisors. Chuck's not used to the terms or the protocol and doesn't really want to get use to it so he zoned out when Casey was talking and only picked up the relevant information about getting Walker back to her room and ensuring she wasn't behaving out of character which could mean a concussion which would mean sending her to the hospital.

Anyway, he really wasn't sure what out of character meant for Sarah. Would she start acting like her real self instead of her Sarah Walker secret agent persona. It was all still confusing but here they were, Sarah's propped up in bed and he's fidgeting in the chair by the window. He knew he should have brought a movie and some snacks at least but that brings him right back to not knowing what Sarah would actually like and if he learnt anything from Ellie, it was that girls did not appreciate sprinkled milk duds over popcorn just because he did and likewise, watching Tron just because, was not a good date movie of choice.

"Say something." Sarah's not freaking out in any form but she's definitely not as comfortable as she'd like to be. Naturally, being hit in the head with a bat is as far from comfortable as one could get but that's not the only reason for her discomfort. The other reason is sitting in the chair opposite her bed, with a guilty expression that's making her actually feel sorry for him.

"I'm Sorry" he says for the twentieth time and he can see her sigh at his words. "Do you want anything?" hoping she'd ask for something which would allow him to lessen the guilt that he feels.

Sarah actually thinks about the question, she would like a number of things like an explanation as to why Bryce betrayed their country and betrayed her or a good estimation as to how long before she ends up hitting John Casey again for one of his asinine remarks.

She finally answers, "I'm fine so you can go home." It's not that she does not want him there but the fact that he's looking at her like she's fragile and hurt and wants to make it better while she's always been used to just hiding the hurts is unsettling.

"Casey says.." he trails of as he sees her arch her brow. "Did you know Ellie's a horrible patient?" he asks, catching her by surprise and she shakes her head unsure of where he's going with this.

"She's a great doctor but when she falls ill, I used to have to keep her company as she'd not rest as much without someone there."

"Used to?" Sarah knows that Chuck's really close to Ellie, had it pegged during their first disastrous dinner at the apartment.

"Captain Awesome" he shrugs as he says the name, "Anyway, before Devon, I had to keep her company and inevitably, I'd end up telling her the Some Kind of Wonderful story"

"What?" Sarah's more intrigued than not. Family is not entirely foreign to her but she can't help but envy the ease in which Chuck and Ellie interact and love each other.

"It's her favorite John Hughes movie and she used to watch it repeatedly only her tape broke when she was sick with the chicken pox and I ended up telling her the story so that she wouldn't scratch and ever since then, when she got sick, I'd tell her about Some kind of Wonderful" Chuck already knows that Sarah thinks he's a geek so now, he's probably just confirmed dork to her list as well.

"Ok" Sarah nods, she hasn't been told a bedtime story in over twenty years.

"Um, ok" Chuck's surprised but the small smile on her face finally makes him feel less guilty and he's once again amazed at how beautiful she is. "So, we start with Keith Nelson, he goes to school, works in an auto shop to earn college tuition and likes to paint"

Sarah remembers taking shop class in addition to AP courses because her dad wanted her to have a more well rounded education and it seemed to come in handy considering his need to always have a getaway car in top condition. It surprised her that he had allowed her to continue with her violin lessons though despite the added costs. All of which always resulted in her not being part of the popular crowd in any of the schools she attended.

"He's not really popular in school but he knows what he wants and it's Amanda Jones, she's smart and beautiful and popular and beautiful...." Chuck's always been partial to brunettes and Watts had been his first and only blond crush although he realizes that that's been superseded for some weeks now.

She thinks of Bryce and how he had always assumed that he had been in pursuit of her. She had just finished seduction school and had not been in the field long enough to put any of her skills to good use when they met. He was everything she thought she wanted and he had fallen for her just as hard. Her current assessment was that he had used her as much as she had him, both wanting things neither could provide.

"So he asks her out to prove that he's not a loser and she accepts because she wants to get back at her idiot boyfriend, Hardy Jenns" Chuck tries to stretch his legs, the small armchair not really high enough for his frame to be comfortable. Sarah wants to hear more and realizes that he's been cramped in the chair for almost an hour. "You can stretch out on the bed, if you want"

The statement is so casually offered that he can't help but accept although he still keeps a respectable distance between them as he settles as close to the edge of the bed as possible. "Anyway, Keith's also best friends with this cool girl, Watts. She's unconventional and not really considered beautiful except she kinda is and in the beginning he just does not see her for who she is, although she is totally in love with him."

In the space of three weeks, Sarah had found herself reassessing her notions of heroism and selflessness. She had always been so sure of her view on being brave and making difficult choices but Chuck had shattered all those illusions. He was as unconventional as he was brave and Sarah realized that the more she learnt about him, the more she wanted to know despite that not being her primary objective. "Watts, really?"

"She plays the drums" Chuck wonders if Sarah plays an instrument but knows that its irrelevant to the story and not something she would need to share with him, in their fake relationship. "Ok, so Amanda agrees to go out with Keith and he wants it to be special so he buys her these ridiculously expensive diamond earrings with his entire college fund and plans to bring her to this museum where he's put up a painting he had done of her"

She had bought her dad a watch with the first government paycheck she received. He was still in prison and she never sent it to him but it was the first time she had done something on her own merit and it felt good. She had tried to get that feeling back, the deeper she got into the job but its always eluded her, until now.

"Anyway, in the meantime, Hardy's pissed that he's been dumped by Amanda for Keith and invites them to a party he's throwing the night of their date. He and his friends have made it known that when Keith shows up, they're going to beat him to a pulp" Chuck turns to his side and stretches out his arm, lightly touching the bruise at her temple. He knows she can probably beat him to a pulp if need be but he decides he does not like to see her hurt. "Sorry" he says for the twenty first time.

Sarah thinks that maybe she does have a concussion, his light touch making her feel more disoriented than before. "Um, so Keith doesn't go right?" She turns over to face him as well, her left hand playing with the stitching on the pillow, the wedding ring on her finger glittering in the light.

"What, oh, yeah, no, Keith knows what they're planning but still plans to turn up" Chuck refocuses on her, "Keith's not entirely alone though. He befriends this skinhead, Duncan during detention and Watts also decides to help him on his date, she even gives him a kissing lesson" Chuck's never noticed that she looks so much younger when she's not always in agent mode. He can see she's tired but does not want to leave. He wonders if she'll enjoy the kisses they'd have to have for the sake of their cover.

"Finish the story", Sarah yawns loudly. She hasn't slept in the presence of another person in six weeks and she's fighting to keep her eyes open.

Chuck lowers his voice as he continues "So Watts volunteers to drive Keith and Amanda around on their date and she loves Keith so much that she threatens Amanda beforehand to not breaking his heart" Chuck wishes that someone had told Jill that before she stomped on his heart but its too late now and even so, he knows Ellie and Morgan would probably be the only people who would do it.

Sarah's still partially awake and looking at him. She wonders what's made him look sad at that point but knows that her job is to collect information from the Intersect flashes and not address his personal issues.

"And the date actually goes amazingly well until they end up at Hardy's house and Keith's about to get beaten up when Duncan and his friends show up. Like all bullies, Hardy backs down but Amanda finally realizes what a loser Hardy is and smacks him herself before leaving"

Sarah has read Casey's report and knows he was the one who had shot Bryce. She wonders how Chuck would react to that, knowing that the guy who ruined his life had been shot by the man now protecting him. She hopes he doesn't find out about that or about her relationship with Bryce. "So Keith and Amanda live happily ever after?"

"IS that the ending you want?" Chuck's not sure what he's asking of her and realizes its not just about the story anymore.

He can see she's actually thinking, her eyes opened wide as she looks at him, "No, that's not the ending I want"

He smiles for the first time tonight, a full blown Bartowski smile that is beginning to symbolize her own happiness as well. "Alright, so Amanda realizes that sometimes it's better to be right and alone than to be part of a crowd and she returns the earrings to Keith knowing that he's realized something himself."

Sarah finally closes her eyes, too tired to fight the sleepiness.

"He gives the earring to Watts and they walk off together" Chuck finishes, hoping she did catch the last bit but glad she's finally asleep. He's actually always liked the last line and can't help paraphrasing here as he reaches out and lightly traces the fake wedding ring on her finger.

"You look good wearing my future"

**The End.**

**So not angsty enough, too fluffy or a bit of both??? Giving feedback will make you feel happier (ok, honestly, it makes me feel happier reading feedback)  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Post S2x 01, Chuck vs The First Date and just before Bryce comes back and screws things up :).

Chuck still wants the Intersect out but also wants Sarah just as much. Sarah is in her hotel room so the theme of the series is still there and Chuck's in trouble and just wants to hear her voice. Hope you like it, I was going to write another story as chapter four but this idea kept intruding so I wrote this instead and will post the other story as Chapter five eventually. Feedback feeds the hungry author :)

**What Needs to Be Said Reimagined**

Sarah stares at the computer screens set up in front of her, not really focusing on anything but just scanning all the data, trying to find a connection. She can see Casey's blinking cross on screen, the pre-requisite thirty yard cushion behind the blinking dot, representing the truck that's going to lead them to the weapons dealers. She drums her fingers on the table, not in boredom but more because she feels absolutely useless currently.

She hates this assignment, really hates the fact that she is in effect benched. It wasn't even about her not being able to do the job. Its more due to the fact that the one mission with Bryce three years ago, in Poland, has made her possibly recognizable to the arms dealers they were currently in pursuit of. She had barely been in country then, was not lead on the assignment and had also been a red-head. However Beckman was now solely in charge of Team Intersect, and she did not want to take any chances, not after Graham's untimely death. So Sarah was stuck in her hotel room, running surveillance and coordinating back-up for Casey and Chuck. At least she had four FBI snipers and a local SWAT team at her disposal.

It's been over eight hours since they had gone off on the mission and Sarah had not seen or heard from either Chuck or Casey since. Her only link to them was the tracker in Casey's car and the bug one of them had managed to plant on the delivery truck. Sarah knows how good Casey is but she can't shake the feeling that she's the only one that cares enough about Chuck the person and not Chuck the Intersect, to fully watch his back. She's not worried per se but it's as close to a description of her current state that she cannot describe it as anything else. Right now, she has an irrational urge to touch the cross on screen, knowing that that's where Chuck is. Her ringing iphone the only distraction that stops that act. She's surprised to see it's Chuck calling and thinks perhaps the mission is over without much more to be done.

"Hey Chuck." she wants to sound collected and not bored or worried and thinks that she manages it quite well. It's only when she hears his harsh breathing does her heart constrict and her voice gains an edge "Chuck?"

"Sarah?" Chuck knows its her, had finally stopped hyperventilating when she answered the phone. Just knowing that they're linked via sound waves is enough to calm him down. It really wasn't his fault that he swallowed the bug. Morgan had surprised him and then thought it was one of the new gaming chips he had heard about. Chuck really did not have a choice but to pop it into his mouth and pretend it was just candy. Casey's thump on his shoulder informing him that the mission was about to start, only exacerbated the situation and caused him to swallow it.

They really did not have a choice then and Chuck had been dispatched to sneak into the truck and hide as best he could. He's amazed that his phone actually works and even more so that Sarah's on the other end of the line. "Um, hi, I'm in the back of the truck." He actually has to hold the phone away from his ear as her voice rises in response.

"What?" She's always been the calm one on missions, thinking two steps ahead and not letting anything break her concentration. Right now though, all she can think of is Chuck alone in a truck surrounded by weapons and heading towards a meeting that will end in gunfire and collateral damage. "You have to.."

"It's ok, I'm…" They're talking over each other again and Chuck senses an uncertainty in her tone that he's not use to. "I'm hidden in one of the bigger crates and Casey's really right behind. He says it's going to go down the minute the truck stops anyway so I'm probably safer in here." He knows that protocol dictates that he maintain radio silence but it was either him freaking out and probably giving himself away or calling Sarah and maintaining some semblance of control.

She nods at his assessment but still needs some verbal verification from him. "Are you ok?" She can hear the fear in his voice although he's trying his best to mask it and realizes she's doing a better job than he is, her voice once again regaining the calm timbre he's used to. The only outward sign of her own fear is one hand tightly holding her phone, while other touches the red blinking dot on the screen.

"Um, yeah I'm fine, I think I may have indigestion from swallowing the tracer but everything is fine so far." He loves the fact that she can calm him down though he wishes that he could at least see her. Chuck knows that she can hide her emotions very well but it's always been her eyes that have given her away and right now, he'd give anything to see her eyes and know once again she does care for him.

"You swallowed the bug? Why? …Never mind. You have to be ready when the truck stops" Sarah wants to tell him something, anything that's not part of the job but she knows she can't go off mission, not now. She knows that she needs to get him focused. "I've alerted the SWAT team to move in when Casey gives the signal." The phone now cradled between her shoulder and her head, one hand furiously typing commands on the other computer while the other still tracing the blinking red dot. She tries to remember the last time they touched.

"You'll be fine." She states while realizing that the last time she touched him was when she had to break off their date. She had hugged him then, knowing that it was the only physical contact that would be permitted while wishing it was otherwise.

"Yeah." He's feeling better but it's all really relative considering he's stuck in a too small crate, surrounded by weapons of some destruction. "So…", Chuck does not want to hang up, "umm, What are you wearing?"

Sarah can stop the laugh from escaping and for the first time tonight, she breathes out fully and not in the controlled breaths she has been taking since he called. She does not want him to hang up and although she can hear Casey's voice in her head reminding her of protocol and duty, she ignores it. "Just a smile" she replies in a softer voice, hoping for the appropriate response. The audible gulp she hears brings her smile into full force. She's glad that the sound she hears now, no longer indicates fear on his end.

Chuck's trying real hard not to picture anything but failing miserably. He's never really seen her naked but that's not going to stop his imagination from running rampant, not after hearing her voice echoing in his head. He's at a lost now, not sure how to respond. It's a difficult choice considering he's in the middle of a mission that could still go terribly wrong, talking to his fake but possibly real girlfriend in a possibly intimate manner that they've never faced before.

He finally settles for the truth,"I love your smile." He's not talking about the full toothed Germanic one she had to dole out at the Wienerlicious or the half smile she does now at the Orange Orange. It's the one that he knows is specifically for him, the one that tells him she really does want to be with him despite her verbal denials and reserved nature. She's silent on the other end and he thinks he's finally over-stepped the bounds of their fakely real relationship. He had not intended to use the word and had chosen it only in context of her smile, knowing that anything else would send her two steps back.

Sarah doesn't think she can say anything right now without emotion coloring her voice. She thinks she should though, knowing that he's depending on her to lead him though the mission even if its just through a tenuous phone connection. "Casey just sent a message that the truck's slowing down." The message was sent two minutes ago but she's only found use of it now. "It's going to be over soon." She wants so much to address his comment, to acknowledge that she'd only smiled like that for him. "You're doing great."

This time, it's Chuck who laughs but unlike the unexpected carefree one he had elicited from Sarah, this laugh is more forced. He's not really doing anything except hiding in a crate and even when he tries to engage in a real conversation, Sarah can't or won't respond. "I'm not doing anything" he tries to temper the accusation in his tone but knows that he hasn't done a good job. He hasn't done anything and to be honest, he doesn't want to. All he wants is to have the Intersect removed and then to really start living his life.

In Sarah's mind, making choices during her job was always relatively easy. Even the life and death ones like do I aim for the kill shot or the shoulder or the more mundane ones of choosing a Porsche or a Mustang. She knows the choice she needs to make here is anything but easy. It's the one where she finally has to confront how she wants to move forward with Chuck. To be fair, she's never wanted to think about it head on because she knows what her heart would want. The problem is that the main lesson taught in the CIA about the heart revolves around two aspects, one is that two kill shots to the heart is the target of choice and the other is that when seducing a mark, never pretend its about the heart, only about the job. The silence seems to stretch between them now, seemingly insurmountable.

"You do enough for me," she says as she exhales. It's not a declaration of love by any means, nor does it actually say much about their relationship, but it's a start.

Chuck actually stares at the phone, amazed that she had said anything. He feels the truck come to a halt, another of the boxes bumping into his as the brakes are applied. "We've stopped."

"Don't hang up" she pleads, "Just put the phone in your pocket and keep quiet." He doesn't say anything but she can imagine him nodding at her words. She looks intently at the screen now, the cross and the dot are stationary, the phone pressed tightly against her ear. She can't hear him breathing and the ambient noise is quite low as she tries to make out gunfire from people shouting in the background. Without realizing it, she's repeating the mantra in her head of "You do enough for me, you're all I need." and then whispers it into the phone, knowing that he cannot hear.

It's probably one of the longest eight minutes of her life and she only finally relaxes when she hears him come on the line again. "Hey, Casey just opened the door. I'll …" he pauses, not sure if he should go back to her last statement or even how to.

"You should rest, I'll see you tomorrow." She's not that ready to finish her sentence with him on the phone. She knows he can do anything and that the decision is hers as to whether to let him. She just wants to put it off a bit longer and perhaps tell it to him in person. "Bye" she smiles, hoping it transmits through the phone.

"Bye", It's still not enough in his mind, her small capitulation, but it's a start.

**The End**

**Reviewing is good for the soul ****:)****. Ok, I do have an idea of doing the next one post Chuck vs The Truth (actually missing scene from there). But if anyone wants to review and make a suggestion as to which episode to do next, feel free and I may even write it…..**

**PS For those reading The End Is Only The Beginning, I'm going to spend some more time on it so will post those chapters next :) before I write anything else.  
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	5. Chapter 5

Ok, this is not really post episode but mid episode. This takes place during Chuck vs The Truth (ep 1x 08). It's after they take the antidote but before Chuck breaks up with Sarah. While I totally understand why he did that (understand but not totally like or accept), I really need to explain it in my universe why Sarah had looked a bit hopeful when Chuck first showed up at the Wienerlicious (or maybe I'm just reading too much into that scene).

I have really enjoyed writing this series even though it was suppose to just be a one shot. Am not sure if I will continue though so please enjoy this story as it may be the last. Thanks so much for all your reviews and comments. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading them :)

**What Needs To Be Said Reflection**

Chuck's burning up and he's pretty sure it's not because the General is still looking at him like he's a bug under a microscope, although that is probably just adding to his overall discomfort. For the first time ever, he wishes Casey were here so that they could finish the call and he could just go home, pop three advils and sleep for twelve hours straight. But Casey's busy threatening or possibly killing Harry Tang outside and Sarah's staring at everything else in the home theater room other than him or the General onscreen.

Chuck knows he should probably be worried about Harry's well being, but the pounding headache and chills currently wracking his body is taking too much out of him that he just cannot think about anything else. He's actually not unhappy about that as if he wasn't so ill, he'd start thinking about Sarah's truthful confession and he knows that would hurt a lot more than the current physical state he's in. He had always held out hope that there was something there between them, some spark that needed to be nurtured. That her unguarded smiles and warm touches, were not part of a ploy or cover but her actual feelings seeping through her agent façade. The truth serum not only destroyed that notion but its antidote now was probably reacting badly with his immune system.

"General, the threat's been eliminated." Casey actually envied the fact that Harry Tang was finally ridding himself of the Buy More. He'd give almost anything to be in his shoes and in the back of his mind, knows that it may entail killing Chuck. It's then when he just stops that train of thought right there, because he understands that decisions like that can only be made on the spot. He wills himself not to think further than that.

"You didn't ..you didn't kill him" Chuck's vision is starting to blur and he's not sure which Casey in front of him is actually the correct one so he swivel's on his feet to talk to both of them, only to fall over.

"Chuck?" Sarah's on her feet and by his side in a span of a few seconds. Ever since his question and her subsequent answer, she'd avoided looking at him or even talking directly to him, until now. It wasn't the after effects of the pentothal but the fact that if she acknowledged his presence, she would be tempted to just take back her lie. "He's burning up. Chuck, Chuck, can you hear me? We need to get him to a hospital." She's directing that comment to the General, knowing that permission is still needed although she does not want to wait for it.

"I don't think that's necessary Agent Walker. The asset's medical file has indicated that he may have a bad reaction to pentothal derivatives. This is just his body's way of flushing it out of his system. I would suggest one of you stay with him for the night and he should be fine by morning. Again good job on the codes."

Sarah looks at Casey and knows that if she left Chuck with him, he'd just dump Chuck in his room and monitor him with the surveillance equipment. "I'll take him, but you're going to have to bring him up to my room via the service elevator".

Casey nods, glad that Walker had volunteered. He was not going to waste his nights babysitting Chuck considering that he already wasted his days doing so.

Sarah's been pacing in her room since she arrived. Normally a few times back and forth is enough to settle her nerves but she's fighting more than her nerves tonight. She had lied to Chuck, had looked at him, pentothal coursing through her veins, and lied. She hadn't expected to be that good and honestly, she hadn't expected him to believe her.

She finally hears the knock on her door. Casey's got Chuck in a fireman's carry and unceremoniously knocks his head as he comes through.

"Casey!" Sarah's voice has just the right measure of admonishment and frustration.

"Relax, Walker. I injected him with a xanax derivative, he's not going to remember a thing and hopefully will sleep through the night. You can thank me later." He finally looks over at Walker and wants to ask her about the private conversation Chuck had with her and if she had compromised herself. But she actually looks tired and he realizes that she's probably not going to sleep tonight anyway. "I'll touch base with you tomorrow." He grunts when she tells him good bye and closes the door before she changes her mind.

Sarah sighs as she runs a hand through her hair. She had never been affected by the lying for the job because she always knew what the truth was. had been guided by it on all her missions and understood that what she was doing was for the benefit of her country. She cannot see the benefit here of lying to Chuck, but she knows why she has done so. For the first time in a long while, Sarah Walker is afraid, she's afraid that she's feeling emotions she had thought had long been subverted for duty and obligation. She's afraid that letting him love her puts him more at risk. She's definitely afraid that she'll not be able to fully protect him if she lets her emotions color her decisions.

"Sarah?" He sounds as disoriented as she feels and she turns to look at him, hoping that he'll just go back to sleep, the medication provided by Casey, her way out of this predicament. "I feel kinda odd, what did Casey give me? I mean don't get me wrong, it's a good odd and better than the feeling just now but ……you look pretty" slurring as he finishes, not sure if that was where he was going with the sentence but allowing it to end up there just the same. He really likes the way her hair falls over her shoulders and its dissaray state, it definitely makes her look less like agent Walker and more like Sarah.

Sarah sighs again, as she takes another blanket from the cupboard and drapes it across his lanky frame. She stops short of tucking him in but can't resist placing a hand on his forehead trying to gauge if he has a temperature.

"I feel bletter, umm, better" his words not as slurred as before but definitely still showing that he's not completely lucid. "We almost died today," he holds her hand as he states that, noticing that her palm fits perfectly into his larger hand, her long tapered fingers curling on their own accord around his. He looks into her eyes as she hovers over him and he has this impulse to tell her everything.

"But we didn't" Sarah does not want to think about how close she came to loosing him. That thought has already driven any notion of a relationship from her mind. She saw how affected he was when Ellie was poisoned. She does not want to add to his burden by forging a relationship for which he will feel responsible for her own well being. She has to remind herself that she is here to protect him and that can sometimes entail hurting him in the process whether she likes it or not.

"I saw a list" She's looking askance at him, the unasked question in her eyes gives him impetus to go on. "Like Letterman's top ten list only this was Charles Irving Bartowski's things to do before I die list." He finishes his sentence in a huff, his mouth suddenly feeling quite dry and he looks around for some water. "It feels like a desert in my mouth." He segues again into a different direction.

Sarah's actually starting to get pretty comfortable with drugged out Chuck as his stream of consciousness chatter is not directed at her feelings or lack of them anymore. "So what was on the list?" She hands him a glass of water and thinks it more along the lines of getting the next Call of Duty game early or spending more time with Ellie and Morgan.

"Should I start from the top or from the bottom?" He's waggling his eyebrows at her and smiling goofily, apparently happy with his ability to flirt while drugged.

Sarah can't help but smile back and is glad that he's not going to remember anything, allowing herself the indulgence of a semi real conversation while knowing it'll only be real to her. "Let's start with number 10 and work your way up."

"Ok", Chuck scratches his nose or at least tries to and misses twice before Sarah helps him. "Hmmm, that feels good. So that's number 10"

"Huh?" She's a bit distracted by the look of contentment on his face.

"Make you touch me not because of your job but because you want to. Number nine is not about you though." Again he slurs the last words and smiles when he sees her eyebrows rise in question. "Backpack through Europe." He wonders which country she likes best on all her travels but does not ask, knowing she can't tell him anyway.

"Europe's nice" She thinks of climbing the Eiffle Tower with him or exploring St Paul's Basilica or sunning themselves in Crete but knows its not on the cards, he's her asset and not her boyfriend.

"Learn a foreign language." He knows she speask Polish, he had looked the words up after the debacle with Carina.

"Learn to cook more than one dish, actually go white water rafting with Devon, maybe" He smiles again when he sees her staring at him so intently. "Get my own place, finish college, finally forgive Bryce, to just move on with my real life, you know not just move forward…." The more he thinks about his list, the more he realizes that he's been in a holding pattern for years, first because of Jill and now because of the Intersect. But worse yet is the fact that even if he chooses to move on, he can't. He's still stuck in a pseudo relationship with someone who just told him that its just a cover, that it's not going anywhere.

"You'll be able to do all of that. I promise." Sarah learnt early on never to make promises one could not keep. She knew how much it hurt when they never materialized, like her dad's promise to quit grifting or Bryce's promise to never betray her. However, for Chuck, she would do everything in her power to allow him to live the life he always wanted. She wonders if he's keeping track, if he's going to tell her what his top most wish is knowing that she'll actually try and grant it if it was really in her power to do so.

Chuck yawns loudly, suddenly feeling so tired, partly because of the drugs but more so because he's coming to a realization that he needs to end it with Sarah, because it's hurting him to want her but know that she does not want him. Moving on could mean just seeing if Lou was someone whom he could forge a connection with beyond the mild flirting that they've done. He does not want to tell her now, not when he's half drugged, and she's sitting on the bed next to him, devoid of her agent persona. He knows how easy it is to fall back under her spell. He could blame it on the drugs but knows that he just needs to build up his courage and immunity to the allure of Sarah Walker. He needs to accept that he wants what he cannot have and just needs to settle for what he can get.

Sarah pushes back a curl from his forehead, again on the pretext of checking his temperature. She remembers the question he had asked her earlier and right now, she really wants to give him a different answer but she knows its madness on her part. He's still an asset and a valuable one at that. Casey and Beckman would send her packing if there was even a hint of anything more than a professional relationship between the two of them. She's not going to say anything though, even knowing he'll not remember it in the morning. She cannot take that chance, not yet. Although if he asks her again, she's really not sure what her answer would be."Go to sleep."

He's relieved for the reprieve, knowing that at least for one more night, he can still pretend she likes him, that her touches are because she wants to, that deep down, under their under cover thing, Agent Sarah Walker really does like Chuck Bartowski.

**The End**

Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks also for the reviews that you have posted. It really does make my day to read all of them!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N – Post Chuck vs The Crown Vic. Ok, a bit of a departure from the Sarah/Chuck conversations of the previous chapters. This is mainly Casey/Sarah. In watching the last part of Chuck vs The Crown Vic and also the last part of Chuck vs The First Date, it was obvious that Casey would follow orders although there is debate on whether he would have followed through to the end. However, this is my interpretation of how he'd at least try and even the playing field with Sarah. Tell me what you think.**

**What Needs To Be Said Remorse**

Her hotel room is especially quiet and bereft tonight though it's not something she is unaccustomed to. Sarah looks out her window and wonders if Chuck's already home and if their newfound friendship truce allows her to call him just to hear his voice. For once, she had listened to her heart and not her head and it had allowed her to find that middle ground with Chuck. However, she knows that eventhough she's solved one problem, she's still in a precarious situation with Casey considering their afternoon talk yesterday.

Sarah had not really intended to ask Casey those questions or allow him a peek into her psyche, but regret it as she may, she can't take any of it back. She had started out this assignment not really caring what he thought about her. His snide comments never got under her skin although they did sting a bit, especially the ones about Bryce. Overall, she had a feeling that although he did grudgingly respect her, he was still hiding something. But she never expected anything less.

The loud knock on her door raises her expectations because she wants it to be Chuck as he was the only one who actually knocked. All other intruders would either break in beforehand like Bryce or try and catch her unawares like Carina. She opens the door with a smile only to be dissapointed as she sees Casey standing there, a brown bag in one hand and mistle toe in the other.

"You're not expecting.." She can smell the alcohol and shakes her head as she looks towards the mistletoe.

"Keep you pants on, Walker. I concificated, consificated…I took both of these off Jeff before I left. I didn't think the BuyMore could afford another sexual harrassment suit." He had told himself that he was going straight home. Had got into his car and almost reached the apartment only to turn left instead of right, ending up here instead. Still he had sat in the Vic for a good fifteen minutes before grabbing the brown bag he had taken off Jeff knowing that the bottle of scotch would come in handy. He does not want to think of the confluence of events that have led him here but alcohol, burgeoning regret and a need to do somethnig have always been his achilles heel.

"Why are you here, Casey?" She's equal parts curious and afraid. Not afraid of Casey but of the fact that anything that would drive him to drink and show up at her door unannounced, would not add up to something good.

He walks past her into her room, knowing that standing in the hallway would not allow him to give her the indirect message she needs to have. He still thinks that it's a done deal and that in due course, he would have to kill Chuck because orders will always have to be obeyed. However, he can't in good conscience not give Walker a fighting chance, knowing that for all her vocal denials, she had fallen for the chump and the only saving grace in his mind was that at least it wasn't Bryce. "He won't be the only Intersect forever."

Sarah's still standing at the door debating whether or not to physically evict Casey. She already feels the loss of a potential future with Chuck and wants to mourn that loss alone, not dissect it with Casey of all people. However, his words are too specific not to mean anything so she closes the door and leans against it as she answers, "I know and he'll have his life back when that occurs." A life that would never include her because she was never meant to have a family and Chuck always was.

Casey takes a swig out of his bottle not for the courage but to stop himself from calling her an idiot. Although he realizes despite his alcoholic haze or maybe because of it, that she's not being coy but that she really has not acknowledged it herself. "He's in love with you and unless you're a damn sight better actress that you are, you've fallen for him as well." He actually doubts that he would be having this conversation without the scotch, which prompts him to take a longer drink, hoping againsts hope that the bottle will last for the duration of the exchange.

She's denied it for so long that the words come unbidden and quick and only at the last moment does she stop herself from saying anything because lying to Casey would not make him change his mind, not after her oblique admission yesterday. The futility of the situation though, makes her want to cry but she does not have that luxury. Sarah knows that Chuck does have feelings for her. She also knows that she would do almost anything for him. The issue was that she would never do the one thing he would want of her. "He'll never know." It's not a promise she makes lightly knowing that the onus would fall on her to be cruel for his eventual benefit.

"He already does. Hell, currently Graham and Beckman are the only two that don't. The issue is when you're going to fish or cut bait." He had seen their interaction tonight and knows that they're back to friends with no benefits although that's not what either of them wants. He needs that to change and soon. Casey needs to know that when the time comes, she would do absolutely everything and anything to protect Chuck because he always followed orders and has never failed.

"What do you want Casey? My confirmation in writing so you can finally go to Beckman and have me offically removed?" She had thought that their conversation from yesterday could be treated as an isolated event. That if she went back to the original parameters of Asset and Handler as he implied, Casey would back off and she would get the small repreive she needed. The extra time to spend with Chuck knowing that she would still eventually have to let him go.

He can hear the anger in her voice coupled with the confusion with their conversation. "Your job is to protect him from anything and right now, you're still too tied up in knots to do that." He's never had a death wish and has always prefered the sniper kill over close combat. He knows Beckman's order will not be precise in the method but only precise in the target. Walker needs to be ready at all time because he'll only give her one chance up close.

"I can do my job." She puts as much conviction into that but she knows that he's asking her for something else as he stares at her from the middle of her room.

"Doing your job and accomplishing it can be two different things. I just need to know that when the time come." He takes a last swig as the bottle empties down his throat. "When the time comes, you'll do more than your job."

It finally hits her, as she sees him look around her room for another bottle, that he's giving her a message, an inference of sorts that she has yet to divine. "It's in the drawer by the bed." She rarely drinks although having it near had always provided her more of a comfort than not. "He's going to survive this assignment." The belief she has finally imbues her words, understanding at last that she does not need to acknowledge anything as long as she's able to show it.

"He'll have to survive more." Casey rummages though her drawer grabbing the bottle he sees there. His conscience finally appeased as walks towards the door.

"I was never here." He sees her nod as she steps aside.

Sarah feels like thanking him although she can tell that their conversation was as much for her benefit as it was for him and eventhough she still does not have a clear understanding of his motives tonight, she's more committed to this than before. "Merry Christmas, John."

"Merry Christmas, Sarah." He truly hopes when the time comes for him to pull the trigger, she'll be ready.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - I had few ideas on post eps for Season 2 but never thought of a good season 3 one until now. I still think that the writers missed a good scene with Chuck and Sarah at least acknowledging the Sam issue so here's my take on it. Please read and review. This is unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine. I still don't own Chuck but if I did, it would get a 4th season only because Charah is canon now.  
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**What Needs to Be Said Restored**

Chuck sits outside her door, knees pulled up, as he plays with the laces on his shoes. He hears the elevator open and scrambles up only to see Sarah exit the lift with Shaw's hand firmly held in hers. He sees the surprise on her face as she stops, causing Shaw to react as he reaches for his gun, only to realize tha it's just him and not some Ring henchman.

"Hey, it's only me." Chuck's voice is subdued as he takes in the scene before him, knowing that he's responsible for most of it. "I.." He can't seem to read Sarah anymore and it's the one thing that scares him the most.

"Chuck, is everything ok?" Her voice is laced with concern as she looks him over, trying to discern if he's hurt. She knows that he had spent the day training with Casey and that he's been having trouble flashing, resulting in Casey getting in more than a few lucky punches and hits.

He wants to tell her no because all he really knows is that something has changed and his life is in complete disarray and he's finally realized that not only has he made a colossal mistake but he's pretty sure that because of it, Sarah has moved on. "Um, yeah, I just wanted to…, you know what, it's late and I should go." He slowly limps towards the elevator.

Sarah turns to Shaw to see him standing there, arms crossed, staring at her, his eyes questioning. She isn't surprised that he can't read her, "Do you want to go to the restaurant first, I'll be there soon." She does not phrase it as a question and can see that he wants to protest only she grabs onto Chuck's hand as he passes by, before finishing her explanation to Shaw. "Morgan's home and probably Ellie as well, Chuck can't go back as yet, not unless we want his cover blown."

"If you need anything.." Shaw looks at Sarah as he says this, still uncertain as to whether he should leave but taking his cue from her. He's read both their files but still cannot grasp the nuances of their relationship, if he could call it that. Beckman had confirmed that they were not together and Sarah had turned to him when she needed someone, not Chuck. He sees her nod and smile before he turns to leave, knowing that she can take care of hrself and that in the end, he was the one that she told her name to.

"Sarah, you don't have to.." Chuck can feel her warmth as she holds him, guiding him towards her room and all he wants to do is to embrace her and breathe her in. But she's with Shaw now and the best he can hope for is to apologize and wish her well regardless of how much it hurts him to do so. He owes her that much considering he had wasted his chance in Prague.

"It's ok, Chuck, you can just rest in here until you feel better and then I'll drive you home." She wraps her arm around his side, only to hear him hiss and it worries her that he may have been more hurt than he was letting on. "Sit." She makes him sit on the bed and rushes to her closet to take out her med kit.

She pulls his shirt up and can see the bruises and contusions on his torso, some of them days old and already mottled and her hand shakes as she applies the heat salve on them. She wants to ask him how it got so bad but cannot formulate the words because she knows her voice will give her away and she cannot afford to let him know that she still loves him. She's made up her mind to move on and she cannot afford to open herself up to get hurt again.

Chuck closes his eyes as he feels her gentle touch and again, he wants to lean into her and take her hand in his but he clenches his hands into fists at his side instead. "So, Sam…." he knows it's the wrong thing to say when he sees her tense, her jaw clenched as she stops touching him. "Sorry, I …sorry. " Again he tries to leave, this time getting as far as the door before he hears her voice.

"I stopped being Sam when I was seven." Her voice is low as if she's remembering the time in her head even though she's looking right at him. She's been so many different people since then that she really does not know who Sam really is except that she was real once. "I still need to look at those bruises. I need to make sure that you don't have any internal injuries." He can see the concern and fear on her face as he walks back towards her. He wonders if she's afraid for him or of him.

"It's really nothing, I just had an off day or two." He hasn't flashed since his fight with Rafe or to be extremely honest, since he witnessed Sarah nearly getting killed. He can pinpoint the exact moment in time when he finally found the clarity he had missed all along, that understanding that there really was nothing in his life as important as the woman standing before him. Only it took her almost dying to get here and his Hannah detour didn't help either.

Sarah slowly touches each bruise, checking to see if there is any accumulation of fluids under each of them. "Chuck, you need to tell me if you feel any pain, please, this could be serious." She cannot stop the quiver in her voice as she sees the extent of his injuries. " You should stop sparring with Casey." This time, her voice is more forceful as she realizes that he probably had not flashed in any of his recent sessions.

He sees her eyes sparkle with unshed tears and he cannot deny her anything, not anymore. "Ok, I just thought…I needed to be a spy and this is what I deserve." He sees her eyes widen at his words and he looks away, already sure that he's given away too much.

"Chuck, no, this is insane. You getting beaten up is not what you deserve. The training is for the Intersect and if you're not flashing then the training has to stop." She holds onto his hand, hoping her message has gotten through. The fact that he came here at least tells her that he's still her Chuck in some way even if he's moved on to Hannah.

"Take a few days, spend time with Hannah." Her eyes dart to the side as she says the name, not really wanting to see his eyes light up. "I'll clear it with Shaw." Sarah is still looking away such that she does not see his wince at her mention of the two names.

"Um, yeah, I. uh, well I broke up with Hannah." He sees the surprise on her face and its on the tip of his tongue to tell her the main reason why, only her phone rings.

Sarah picks up her phone, already forming an excuse in her head because she knows its Shaw, "Hey, sorry but I think I need…" Chuck can hear Shaw cut her off as she walks away from him, her voice dropping to a whisper such that he cannot hear her response. Only then does he notice his mother's charm bracelet on the side table next to the bed, as if she had taken it off when she got into bed or perhaps even waiting for her to put it on before going to bed.

"That was Shaw, he's going to talk to Beckman and I need to finish ensuring that you don't need to go to the hospital." She sees him looking at the charm bracelet and regrets her moment of weakness in not hiding it away forever.

"I was going to give it back, see if you wanted to give it to Hannah." It's a lie but she had told him that he couldn't hurt her anymore and she needs to believe that.

"No, don't. I wanted you to have it." He still does although it is not something he can tell her, not when she's made her choice. "I'm sorry." He's apologizing for ruining her evening and yet, he's pretty sure he needs to apologize for so much more.

"It's ok." Sarah wonders if he understand that she's more angry at herself than she is at him. If she had told him about her feelings earlier, he would never have downloaded the Intersect but she hadn't and he did. She's resigned herself to the fact that they're never going to be in sync, always one step ahead or behind each other, wanting to connect but not realizing that they're still at different points in their lives.

"No, it's not. You're Sam now and I'm…I don't know who I am any more." His hand reaches out to touch her only he stops before making contact. He remembers asking for her name when Carina first came into town and then later when she had offered to tell him one thing about herself, he realized he didn't need to know it because he knew her. He knew her and she would always be Sarah to him. Her name not irrelevant but not intrinsic to who he knows her to be.

She can see him losing himself and it scares her to know that he'll turn into someone else, that her Chuck will be subsumed and eventually disappear. "I'm still me and you're Chuck Bartowski, nerd herder and spy." She tries to smile as she says the words but it's an in-congruent response to what she's feeling inside such that she cannot do it.

He still does not understand what he'll need to do to be a full fledged spy and she wonders if she'll be there when he does. Part of her wishes that she'll be able to help him but a part of her just wants to forget that he had made his choice. "Just be you."

He hears her words and is unsure how to react. She's always had a type, Bryce and now Shaw. Guys who were as far from being a Nerd Herder as one could get despite Bryce's familiarity with Klingon. Try as he might, rescuing Hannah was the best he could do and it had been Shaw who even when poisoned, managed to carry Sarah to the museum. "What if I'm not good enough?" Chuck needs her to understand that he's always tried to be what he thought she wanted.

"Just be you." She leans in and kisses him on the cheek. "You need to put a heating pad on those bruises for the next few days." Sarah knows that he wants more from her but the ache in her heart is still so piercing that she cannot afford to go through the hurt again. She sees him open the door and smiles when she sees he does.

Chuck smiles wistfully, accepting that despite all that he's done to her, she's still looking out for him and eventually he'll find a way to make it up to her. But for now, he'll just take her advice and just be Chuck.

**The End**

Thanks for reading and tell me it if fits in the canon verse??


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